More Space

Trying to turn a new page in my life style. Clean out the clutter both in my closets and my brain. Dwell on the positive and enjoy life. Consciously and actively engage in the world that is moving around me.

I've never been a computer person. Internally, electronics give me a writhing feeling the way I imagine some people feel about snakes. But here I am... writing... in the moment, and I spend more time on the computer than anyone else in the house...still hate my cell phone though. 

I always knew I wanted to be a writer. Even as a girl. But I imagined myself huddled in the corner of a steep ceiling-ed attic. Clicking the levers of a black retro typewriter with dusty streams of light amplifying the shadows from the one windowed room. Occasionally a mouse might scurry past, and I guess I would have to take up smoking, because it seems like writers always smoked... in my head. They wear drape-y, artistic clothing in vibrant colors, and only smile at irony. Or maybe it's the image in my mind of the Jonie Mitchelle album. I'm not sure which one. The one with the oil painting of her with the deep blue background. The painting reminds me of The Scream by Edvard Munch.

But this could work too... 

Yoga pants and a sweatshirt that someone left at my house, hair in knots...a glass of green tea because it's supposed to be good for me. Which brings me to my next subject...

I've started yoga again. An exercise I truly enjoy just for the sake of doing it. I've only started practicing for two days and I already feel better. More space in my body. More room for words in my brain. And I feel taller...because at 5'1" I can use all the height I can get. I got in a half hour on the treadmill too.

Still on my quest to create fabulous food! Last night we had shrimp alfredo and wine sauce with cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, roasted garlic and basil. Not interested in cutting fat. I feel like fat makes us womanly, it's just getting it to go in the right places that's the trick. Smaller portions of delicious food it where I would like to go. Dieting makes me miserable and that's not the point of getting healthy. 

I also started painting a mural in the back room. I want it to be very woodsy-bogg like. With coiled ferns, mushrooms, moss, snails, lichen, skunk cabbage and bare rooted trees. I sketched some ideas on the wall last night...and what a liberating feeling! You know you own your own home when you can draw on the walls without asking permission. But anyway, I have to paint the walls first. I'm picking a mushroom grey color. Would still like to trim the windows in a distressed barn-wood, but we'll see where that goes.  

 

Oh Boy, Another Blog

It took me a while to click the "create blog" button in the Blogger dashboard, let me tell you. I kept asking myself, is this what the world really needs...another blog filled with the ramblings of a thirty-something woman? Maybe not. But I need this blog.

Writing helps me release the thoughts in my brain. It helps to compartmentalize my life, which doesn't sound romantic, but helps me deal. And ever since I started my first diary as a child, a red satin book with gold leaf pages that I fell in love with at a cheap Asian store that sold glittered Buddhas and giant versions of the paper umbrellas you sometimes get in fruity cocktails.

My first diary I carried around like an extension of my brain. Writing things down allowed me to get them out of my head. This diary not only documented the important trials of a little girls life, but it held lists. Many, many lists. Starting with all the presidents, (you never know when you're going to need important info like this at age ten.) then all the states, then birds I saw, then leaves, the lists went on and on. I'm sure some of you know the personality type that this unveils but none the less... Organize and document my thoughts. Perhaps it's a legacy complex, perhaps it's because I have no children to pass things down to yet, perhaps I should stop writing and get busy on that aspect of my life...hmmm...maybe later. Step away from the computer.

And the one thing that the Iron Oaf Farm blog has taught me is to be accountable. It drives me and inspires me. But there's a whole other part of me that I've been ignoring. Lately, my life has slowed down. I've had about a 10 year span of one tragedy after another and instead of using the farm to escape, I'd like to start to embrace things about myself that I've ignored in the past years that doesn't necessarily show in the farming articles I write.

While I love the farm, I pour myself into it, and the hard work and the move has stolen some of my enthusiasm for life. It's time to take a little time for me. There's another part of me. I love the theater and the ballet. I love to sing. I love opera, I love to draw and paint and create. I love yoga and hiking and kayaking. I love French food, a good bottle of wine, margaritas, dark chocolate and great stinky cheese. I love to read, write, poetry and history. I wish I could speak Italian and I can stand on my head. I love classical music, art and history. I love to wander around cemeteries and museums. I love beautiful underwear and British comedy. I love the ocean, the cold dreary grey parts with ships and rigging. I love cool weather, my favorite color is green. And without sounding like I'm writing a singles ad, I'll leave it at that for now.